sitting, waiting, killing time
March 27, 2006
Hmmm… i have learned some new things today.
1: language is a construct. It is agreed upon. By language, it means all things symbolic. Every thing around us is symbolic. Nothing is real anymore.
2: perversions/aberrations always attack the symbolic. this is noticeably seen in man’s adult life.
3: the real is like our needs. the imaginary is like our demands while the symbolic is our desire.
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David Cronenberg’s film adaptation of Crash is not entertaining to watch. JG Ballard’s book is not entertaining to read either.
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Im going to graduate soon.
saturday evening.
my nose keeps on dripping. damn my drippy nose which is bothering me since yesterday. i am hypothesizing that because i have been taking a bath almost every night, even if my body hurts from overfatigue and my mind throbs from overthinking, the effects of it are directed to my longilong.
what now? hmmm…
this incoming week will be the last week of the school year. rawr.
hum 2 – finished.
cerp 122 – finished.
sts 1 – oral exam (tuesday/thursday) and written report (tuesday)
hum 160 – JG Ballard’s Crash discussion (Tuesday and Thursday), group report (tuesday), film viewing (not yet sure)
devc 180 – campaign (monday – friday),exam (wednesday), written report (next weeK)
devc 198 – final copy of journal article (wednesday) and manuscript (next week)
org 1 – acquaintance party (saturday)
org2 – hmmm…
org 3 – another hmm…
i might resort to isolation/hibernation/compulsive eating next, next week.
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i was encouraged to apply for a part time tutorial job because (a) i may just be bumming around in elbi/quezon city/bicol after graduation if i fail to be employed pronto by my ideal/fantasized employers slash pinapangarap na mga opisina, (b) it won’t hurt if i’ll apply my tutorial skills (translation:ability to pacify kids below ten years old) during the summer, (c) of the drool worthy guy who entertained us, and (d) i might be needing moolah if my father would decide that i will not be given money (baka lang naman mangyari ang aking kinakatakutan)…
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facilitating the team building activity for my organization this morning was fun. although it could have been more exciting if all members attended. buti na lang active talaga mga bago naming recruit.
haaay. H reminded me again how i almost gave up the organization a few months back when i thought that there’s no chance the organization would survive given the membership situation. probably but not definitely, i would have dropped every thing related to the org if they haven’t assisted me in every step of the way. Sabi nga nila, pasalamat daw ako kasi andoon pa sila… in hind sight, i have thought that hindi naman ako martyr para saluhin lahat ng problema ng org… i could have easily dropped my obligation. pero dahil minahal ko na ang org ko despite all the things i went through, i did not…
i am looking forward for what the new set of members can do… i am positive thay they will continue the legacy of the ten members who organized the organization forty three years ago…
i am back
March 8, 2006
I am back from my blogging sabbatical. haha.
Reading my previous posts makes me cringe. Ugh. That is why I had to remove some posts.
hmmm…
this is toni and she’s sitting atop a tomb in san pablo cemetery. i have taken this pic a long time ago but because of my hungover from our intra-org photo contest last febfair… i have to post this picture.
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I got rid of an account which has been lying unnoticed for weeks but I felt like saving these posts:
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I have finally convinced myself that the Herculean tasks I’ve been doing for the past year or so are already taking its toll on me, and that I have to let go of several things to avoid committing disservice and to make it manageable for all parties involved.
I have already resigned from my post as a staff of the student publication since (1) there’s no point in staying with my tool not functioning properly; (2) I have felt that I am more of a liability than an asset and (3) that I have to focus on my job as a head of an organization on the brink of losing its existence.
This year has been a memorable one for I’ve had the challenging experience of doing one of the things I love most.
I wish I was able to give a well thought of goodbye message to them.
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The High Cost of Brotherhood
The alleged death of a neophyte during an initiation process has opened again a floodgate of fraternity-related issues in our university campuses.
Many have expressed disdain for Greek-lettered organizations to the point of calling them “cancer of society”.
It is a known fact that a number of UP students has met early death either because of a false sense or a high cost of brotherhood.
I am not in any way against Greek-letter organizations. What I am against is the culture of violence being cultivated by this group of people.
Justice for “A”. May you rest in peace.
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Haaay.
Attending again the body meeting of my other organization has been quite uneasy as I’ve been inactive for many months. But after knowing that some of my friends who were also inactive are doing the same thing was a relief.
I am coming back again. I am making peace with those I have temporarily left behind before I will truly leave.
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I was already getting bitter with the result of my exam (imagine being the lowest in class of about 30.pffft.) in one of my boring classes when I found out that I had one of the highest grades in a paper in one of my social science electives. Imagine getting 1.5 for a paper done only in a few hours! And the highest student got a 1.25! Beat that! Haay. The world works in mysterious ways talaga.
My Risky Venture Series
July 24, 2005
Early in the morning, after being awakened by my shrieking and scrambling roommate who woke up at the exact hour their class would be leaving for Pampanga, I prepared myself and asked my other roommate to accompany me to Bitin.
From Los Baños, we rode a jeep to Bay main, rode another jeep and traveled more than an hour to Bitin costing us 50 pesos each. We were overwhelmed by the massive structures – huge tubes that were constructed over the ground, going through the residential areas. The cylindrical structures are supposed to transport I-don’t-know-what-exactly-but-I-assume-something-fluid coming from the geothermal plant. The mere fact that having those big tubes used for industrial purposes beside their houses was scary.
In addition, the foul smell somewhat similar to the stench of Bugok na itlog made me nauseous. Eh paano na lang yung mga residente dun? Paano nga ba ang pagtira nila dun?
We found out through my pre-test survey I administered that people really do have gazillion fears living in the said area.
To be continued…
Hysteria Glamorosa I
July 24, 2005
If I did not control myself, I might have looked like a big wailing pig in front of my roommate trying to rationalize why the hell did it happen while spewing out after each pause expletives that’s not fit for print.
The goddess of distress manifested itself when I found out that this certain individual, the head of the fucking company, declined my request – my passport to acing my undergraduate research and undergraduate seminar courses – without stating his reason for doing so. You moronic sir, I need a logical and reasonable explanation for your disapproval.
Some part of my brain, as if trying to make a joke on me, kept on presenting the worst-case scenarios of my added misery: incomplete subjects, delay in graduation, blah blah blah, while another part kept on making suggestions on how I would deal with it: just quit school and work.
Being an optimistic person, I washed my face after some minutes of hysteric glamour, and proceeded to make a strategic plan to usurp my academic doom.
Red Letter Day
July 19, 2005
Had I known early that my friend would be given free tickets to the MTV Right to Royalty concert, I could have moved my data gathering plan first week of August. Too late. My plans are all set. I’ll be leaving next week, most probably Thursday afternoon. If I just did not ask my father eagerly to drive me to the site, I would have cancelled the whole thing easily. Tsk.Tsk. The only reason he’ll be going home is to drive me to and fro the site – a two-hour drive from our place. Ehem. Sana isa na itong magandang rason para turuan na nila akong mag-drive.
Finally my red visitor arrived. I was already two months late, and I was already getting paranoid that I almost wanted to consult a doctor. I was listing and researching all the possible reasons why the heck of delay (pregnancy soooo excluded).
Same old brand new
July 19, 2005
I went home so tired today that I immediately fell asleep. I just attended my civic org’s finals, and I, the peace loving and normally calm individual, have been a willing associate to the crime of inflicting mental, physical, and emotional torture to our unsuspecting applicants. Eleven applicants (and now duly recognized members) have been subjected to a series of tests that have made them sweat, cry, and definitely curse. “Did you expect this?” I asked one. “Hindi po”, she answered meekly. Brings to mind my first week of reporting in an org I didn’t eventually join. Enough said.
Student organizations here in the campus are well known for giving their applicants a hard time especially during the so-called Finals. It was from my observation and first hand experience (I almost walked out during the finals in my socio-cultural org because I could not take what they were telling me to do) that I wanted to change this “tradition” by implementing a different kind of Finals in my org. My plans however didn’t push through as we just settled for the accustomed kind of “finals”.
Hopefully, a paradigm shift will happen in years to come.
chronicles of elena
July 11, 2005
Today is a day of many firsts.
My very first assignment as an apprentice of the campus paper was to cover an oust GMA protest in Calamba City. I have never been in a street protest or a rally before. Initially, I was full of apprehension. It was a good thing that there were two of us covering the event. I met W, one of the staff and J, the news editor at Hum steps where the students gathered. A snake rally around the campus followed. Members of activist organizations urged the students to participate in the protests…to a minuscule effect.
Before 3’ o clock, I rode a jeep bound to Calamba. W, my companion followed later. To my surprise, one of the objects of my affection was also inside the jeep. I could have seated right at his side… but I didn’t.
While waiting for the protesters coming from a nearby mall, I have asked around. One of the person I have talked to turned out to be a writer for bulatlat.com.
My very first absent in bio class this semester. It was never my plan to miss my bio class. I planned to go back to los baños at 3:30 so that I wouldn’t be late for my four o’clock class. Unfortunately, the protest didn’t start until past four.
At one o’clock in the morning I received a text message from the news editor. It read: Y told me you missed your class today. Why? Traffic? Too much work? Please don’t sacrifice your academics just because of blah blah.”
I replied back: “Don’t worry. I guess I just wasn’t able to manage my time well today. Tulog ka na. Umaga na.” The last two phrases were meant to cool him down.
i should be doing my research
June 28, 2005
“why are you happy?” my instructor at pi 100 asked us to jot down our answer on the attendance sheet. this would be another semester when silly and not-so-silly questions will be thrown at us at the start of every meeting.
when did Humanities instructors start putting questions on the column next to the signature in the attendance sheet? i have been exposed to this kind of daily ritual since my second year. every meeting, i’ll have to think of a witty answer to my teacher’s queries – queries that range from current issues to mundane stuff. how could i forget the question “Bakit binibilog ng tao ang kanyang kulangot?” I have forgotten already my own answer; what i can’t forget is my classmate’s: “Kasi mahirap gawing triangle”.
a series of unfortunate events
May 23, 2005
woke up at six o’clock even if i slept just three hours earlier. i was trying to finish a book but i got hooked into watching the sunday special. after the show, i went back to reading mode, and lost track of time.
at seven in the morning, i was able to ride a jeep going to philcoa, got exposed to early morning pollution, witnessed a verbal war between our driver and the gasoline boy, and almost fell off my seat - thrice.
while waiting for a jeep bound to up campus at the quezon city hall, one jeep ran through a hole…
and a mixture of rain water, burak, etc. *ugh*
grrrr.
minamalas nga naman.
